Verhaal: Who do you want to be?

I want to be the girl with no fears. She can do anything and is never scared. Maybe a little bit, but she would still do anything. Because she likes it. She likes challenges.
I want to be the girl who is always kind. She can be angry, but not without a reason. She is angry, because someone hurts a friend, because she can’t help someone or because she misses her boyfriend so much, she is always angry because of love. Not because of hate.
I want to be the girl who helps anybody. She will never say ‘no’ except something that wouldn’t be right. She always want to do the right thing.
I want to be the girl who is independent. She doesn’t need anybody to be happy. She loves people, but loves alone time too. She would turn her phone off, because she wants to focus on herself.
I want to be the girl who is totally me. Or not. I want to be the girl who is the opposite of me. She would be all of those things above. She would be fearless, kind, helpful, independent and most of all, happy.
But I’m not. I’m the girl who is scared of anything.
I’m the girl who is not kind, even if I try.
I’m the girl who wants to help, but can’t, I need the help.
I’m the girl who always needs somebody, without anybody I can’t laugh.
I’m the girl who is always sad, even when I try not to. I love to smile, but I can’t. I love to laugh, but it’s never real. I love to be happy, but I’m not. I’m just sad. And there is just one person who can change that. But he won’t. He doesn’t loves me. He doesn’t even likes me. He hates me. And I can’t blame him, why would I? Because that’s easy? Because anybody says that I need to hate him? Because I have to? To survive? No. I can’t hate him, how much I want that. I will never forget him. I thought that we were soul mates. But I was wrong. Boy, I was so wrong. He is not who he says he is. He is rude. He is mean. He is cruel. But beside all that, he is my one true love.
I love him. I’m sorry.