[Verhaal] - The last time

[i]Hee iedereen, ik schrijf zelf verhalen e.d. en dit is iets wat ik al een tijd geleden geschreven heb maar ik heb er verder nog niks mee gedaan. Ik schrijf het liefste in het Engels want dan klinkt alles mooier maar in het Nederlands doe ik het ook. Zouden jullie dit misschien willen lezen en feedback willen geven? Ik twijfel of dit een goed begin is van iets en of ik verder moet schrijven.

{ps. het verhaal wat ik schrijf is grotendeels persoonlijk maar met twists enzo}
love x[/i]

Sunday, December 1st, 2013.

Dear diary,

I bought you because my therapist said I should write down my feelings and what’s going on inside my head and whatsoever so here you are. She said that with a little help I am going to be perfectly fine. All of the people around me, including my therapist are thinking I’m ‘clean’. I even started to believe in it myself. I’ll explain things later to you. Over the past couple of months a lot has changed. First off, I don’t live with my mom anymore. I am in college now and I share a dorm with my roommate. Her name is Alaska, which is really ordinary. She is way different than me. She is eightteen, tall, smart, has beautiful long hazel hair with perfect green eyes. She studies literature, just like me, but she is also a model. I would definately kill to look like her. It’s difficult to live with her because she is so confident and has so many friends. I am the opposite of her. I don’t have any friends at all.

My parents are divorced since 2001. I don’t really remember anything of it, that is the best part of parents splitting up when you are a child. I still see my dad sometimes, not much because he is remarried and is too busy with his new life now. I don’t really bother though, but I really miss him sometimes. It’s not normal to have your parents split up and don’t have a loving and caring dad waiting for you at home when you arrive from school every day. Oh well, I don’t know any better.

The main reason I don’t live with my mother anymore is because we literally argued all the time. She couldn’t live with me being mentallly ill, or how she called it- crazy. It started in February when I was diagnosed with several mental illnesses and from then it all went downhill between the two of us. We barely spoke or saw each other and when we did we always ended up fighting. I was always sat in my room reading books or watching tv while she was at work or out with friends or her new boyfriend. The only time we saw each other was in the morning before school or work. We sat in front of the tv, my mom eating her breakfast and I just stared at the tv without eating or saying anything.
Sometimes she tried to start a proper conversation but somehow we always ended up yelling at each other. It wasn’t a good living environment for me, and my mom didn’t feel happy or comfortable in her own house as well. So we decided that it would be a good idea for me to move out into the dorms of my college. This is my first year in so it’s like we have had it planned.

I actually enjoy being here. It somehow keeps me distracted from everything in my ‘old’ life. It’s hard to focus in class because of the voices inside my head saying that I’m too dumb for this and I don’t deserve to study in a beautiful college like this.
And I don’t have any friends here yet. It has been for about one month that I’m actually living here now but still. The only person I’m talking to is Alaska. Although I don’t see her very often because she spends her day modelling or she is with her friends after college.
I wish she was in our dorm more often. It’s not that I don’t like being alone, I’m used to it now, but it’s nice to have someone inside these big walls with all these unknown people.

I got to go, I’m having my first oral exam so I don’t want to run late.

Hij staat ook tussen mn blogs en op mijn wattpad, username: xsharonahoran