He is what?! (Engels)

[size=14pt] Chapter one

[i]He looked at me like I was some kind of price.
I was standing against the wall, afraid to even look into his eyes.
He came closer to me.
I never have been so afraid in my life.
What is he going to do?
He licked his lips and opened his mouth to say something.
I was holding my breath.
Is he going to hurt me?
He smiled at me and said; ‘Baby, why so afraid?’ in a deep, low voice.
I wanted to say something back. But I didn’t.
This boy, he is one of a kind.
Arms full of tattoo’s, a lipring, and a deep low voice.
And the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in the world.
They are light grey, almost white.
He scares everyone away, but still I feel so attracted to him.
I followed him into this alley.
It is all my fault that this all is happening right now.
"You followed me didn’t you?’ he said.
He touched my cheek and stepped closer.
He wisperd in my ear; "Don’t do that again baby, or else…’ ,
and shaked his head.
And with that words he took off.
What the hell?


Ik doe later een spellingscontrole!
Als jullie het leuk vinden schrijf ik verder![/i][/size]

Je hoeft niet zo’n groot lettertype te gebruiken hoor. Verder klinkt het wel een spannend en leuk verhaal :slightly_smiling_face:

Het is whispered* shook* en those* words. Het lettertype is wel overdreven groot, inderdaad. En ik vind het ook vervelend lezen als de gedachten in tegenwoordige tijd staan en handelingen/dialogen-in-het-nu in verleden tijd.

Genoeg met alle kritiek c: ik ben wel benieuwd naar het vervolg, het is in ieder geval spannend!